Harry Potter and the Professor's Bone
by Periwinklesgirl
Summary: This fic is the first in a collection of 'what if' stories. Harry finds Hermione and Ron together and... (HPSS&HGRW) This has many noxious substances including; Mary-sue, M-preg, slash (mmm slash) and is squicky.


Harry Potter and the Professor's Bone

It was weird, Harry knew that Hermione was at Arithmancy but Ron hadn't turned up to future seeing this afternoon. Harry decided he would see if Ron was maybe sick in his room.

As Harry reached for the door handle he heard muffled screams. Alarmed that Ron was in some sort of danger Harry flung the door open.

"RON?" Harry called confused as he looked at the scene that lay before him.

Ron looked up from who he was doing in surprise. From out of the covers Hermione's face blossomed. It showed surprise like Ron's as well as real concern.

"Harry, wait" she said breathlessly as he turned to leave hastily.

Out side Harry slowed down and started to walk. He was confused and even hurt. This was unbelievable. Harry had so many questions. How long had they been together? Why hadn't they told him? And even, why did Hermione choose to be with Ron over him? Harry was trying to decipher the answers to these questions and others but he has red hair… when he heard his second cry for the night.

Harry placed his hand tentatively on his wang and went to see what the problem was. The scream had sounded like that of a hysterical old woman. The fear had been so strikingly evident in the cry that it had covered Harry's back in shameful Goosebumps. Suddenly there came a second scream, even more horrified, and Harry pin pointed its location. It was coming from the outskirts of the Forbidden Forest. Although he was not allowed and quite afraid, Harry ran into the trees.

Inside it was suddenly colder and much darker. Harry held his wang tighter and felt some relief, from his fears. Then he saw where the screams were coming from and after the initial shock of what he was seeing, the fear flooded back.

Not six meters in front of him, Professor Snape was being dragged deeper in to a wood. His screams were being muffled by the tiny hands of his oppressors. There were about twelve of the freakish creatures taking Snape away.

Each of them had black bulging eyes that poked from rock-like, cracked and immobile faces. Their strange skin was hard all over and gross shade of metallic green-brown. Their speech was almost as if they were eternally trying to clear their throats. But they stood only a foot tall, which made there truly fearsome attitudes and other appearances somewhat comical. One of the things held Snape's wang while two of the others were gagging his mouth and effectively preventing Snape from casting any spells.

Although he felt some amusement, he was still afraid. Snape was no push-over and apart from seeming as he was losing the fight to them, he also looked really scared of the things. Harry acted swiftly and quietly. He pulled out his wang.

"Stupefy!" He chanted, abruptly the creatures were all stunned.

Harry walked towards the limp form of Professor Snape.

Relief flooded through him when he saw his pale hand move slightly and finally his eyes open.

"Professor, are you all right?" Harry asked as he leaned over Snape. In reply he squeezed tightly shut his confused eyes and released something that sounded to Harry like a high- pitched cough but was more likely a whispered scream.

Snape's face was the colour of a dusty chalkboard but his fear crazed eyes disturbed Harry even more than this. He soothed the shaken professor before lifting him on to his brawny shoulder and carrying him back towards Hogwarts. When the pair got to the school, Harry started in the direction of the infirmary.

"My room, Potter, take me to the dungeons." Harry heard Snape's cracked whisper.

Harry did as Snape requested and dropped him down in his 'room' where he abruptly fell asleep.

The next morning Harry went to class as usual. He didn't talk to Ron or Hermione when he got there, he couldn't. Harry's emotions wouldn't even allow him to make eye contact let alone normal or even polite speech. He sat at the back of the room waiting for the day to end so he could be miserable and alone to dwell at their cruelty.

Just then, Professor McGonagall walked into the class. There was a quiet roar of joy and speculation by the students as this was meant to be Snape's class.

Someone up front raised a hand in question and the professor spoke. "I will be taking this class today and for those of you who are about to ask why, you need to learn to mind your own business before you look for other people's to mind. I will though put any genuine fears at bay by stating that he will be returning next lesson. Now please get out your text books."

Harry's mind rushed as fast as it could, Snape must still be unwell from the previous evening. It must have been a really traumatic for him if Snape was unable to come to class.

Harry was still thinking about the night before on the way to his next class when suddenly a clammy hand pulled him out of the corridor and into a class. Harry was about to grab his wang again when he saw who had grabbed him.

"Sorry to alarm you Potter" said Snape.

"I'm alright Sir, how are you?" Harry replied.

"Fine, fine, I just wanted to thank you for your help last night. I believe I came very close to death, so, thankyou."

"Any time professor," Harry replied, he was truly shocked by Snape's thanks, which made him ashamed.

"It is alright that your shocked at my thanking you Potter, It is not as if I haven't been too proud to say it before."

"Does this mean that we could maybe start with a new slate Professor? I would really like to have another chance at being your friend and not just your student."

"I think that is a marvellous idea, you are a very mature young man Potter."

"Thankyou sir, I should get to class now, but now we are friendly could I ask you one favour?" Harry asked.

"Go on."

"Could you call me my first name Professor, I'd really prefer that."

"Yes Harry, but to be fair, when we're alone, you should call me Severus."

"Alright, I shall, Goodbye Severus." Harry said and then left for class. How unusual it had felt to call Snape; Severus and come to think of it, how unusual had that whole meeting been.

That evening Harry went to the Gryffindor dorm as always. He was about to walk up to his room when Ron spoke to him from behind.

"Harry, can we talk mate?"

Harry turned to see Ron, At first glance he reminded Harry of the day when they had first met. Then Harry's eyes adjusted and he realised the cause of the memory had been the look on Ron's face, that same nervous but jolly look that had marked him as friend immediately.

"I suppose" Harry replied

They sat silently and Harry waited for Ron to speak.

Ron laughed his friendly laugh in hopes of lightening the mood but it sounded lame and died in the air.

"Harry, I'm really sorry we didn't tell you, but it was sought of spur of the moment, well it had been a long time coming you know but still, we didn't exactly plan it."

"Is that all you need to say" said Harry with an edge of heat.

"Yeah, we just didn't want you to think that we were sneaking around or any thing."

"Fine then, goodnight Ron" Harry left quickly before Ron could ask if they were friends again. He didn't know what he would say if asked. They had become a 'we' and he wasn't certain where that left him. He was about to drop into his bed when he noticed something strange. There was a letter sitting propped against his pillow. 'Harry' was written in neat and familiar calligraphy on the envelopes front. His mind first thought of Hermione's neat writing and he went to put the note in the rubbish, unable to stomach another of their humble apologies. Then he realised that the writing was familiar but not Hermione's. He studied it again, unable to make a connection and decided to open it. Maybe it would be a letter bomb, to put him out of his misery. Inside he found a letter that was more of a bomb-shell than a bomb.

_To Master Harry Potter,_

_In order to celebrate our new found friend-ship I would like to invite you to a midnight snack in my dwelling. If you accept my invitation please just turn up at a twelve tonight and all entertainment will be provided._

_Regards_

_Professor Severus Snape _

_P.S- Please excuse the impromptu arrival of this invitation. _

Harry was surprised but intrigued. A midnight snack was very intriguing indeed. Harry decided he would go, not only to be polite, but also to see what possible 'entertainment' Severus could have planned for that hour.

Little did Harry know, this rendezvous was to be the first of many.

At midnight Harry's pale hand was knocking lightly on the large iron door to the dungeons.

"Come in Harry" called Snape's somewhat cheerful voice.

"Hi Severus" said Harry politely as he walked through the door thinking how ridiculous Snape sounded when cheery. He could smell something cooking that made his mouth cascade in a flood. He looked at his surroundings; the place was kept unspeakably clean considering its purpose and even stranger, under the smell of good food was that of fresh lemons.

Harry walked into what served as Snape's kitchen. Snape looked up from what he was stirring and smiled at Harry. He was wearing charcoal pants and shirt with a casual tweed sports coat and sweat glistened on his forehead from the heat of the cooking. Harry noted all of these things with puzzled interest before Snape spoke.

"There is much about me you have yet to learn Harry, so don't look so confused" He smiled again, a very winning smile indeed Harry noticed. "I made us some fondue to nibble on. You may go and sit in the living room until it is ready, it will only be a moment."

"Thanks." Harry said. He walked to the adjacent room that served as Snape's living room and sat on a small seat that would just be able to occupy the two of them. He scanned the room but it wasn't particularly interesting, it was almost empty except for the small seat on which he was sitting, a tidy little coffee table and a large case of ancient looking books.

Snape walked into the room carrying the fondue pot, some skewers and food for dipping and sat them down on the small coffee table.

"I hope that you are peckish as I went a little overboard with the fondue."

"I'm sure it won't go to waste" Harry could smell the hot runny cheese and had to stop himself from drooling again. They began to eat and Harry found it every bit as good tasting as it smelled. He didn't even notice at first when Snape's hand moved from his side of the miniscule seat to Harry's knee. It even took him a moment to feel the hand start to slide up his thigh. Harry tensed suddenly as the hand crept towards what he knew by euphemism as his wand.

"Snape!?" Harry breathed.

"Please, call me Severus Harry." Snape whispered

"I think I should leave."

"No please stay, if you're not comfortable we could move more slowly. It's just Harry; I know I could keep you content if only you would give me a try. I know what a boy like you needs and quite frankly I've got all that and more to offer."

Harry's mind spun, he had been intrigued by the strange invitation but he never expected anything like this. Yet Snape was some how persuasive. He seemed so sure that he had something wonderful to offer and with what was going on between Ron and Hermione Harry couldn't deny his curiosity. Anyway, what was the harm in a little experimenting?

Slowly Harry began to unbutton his shirting which spilled out his chest that was slowly filling out into the chest of an adolescent. Snape laid one hand upon the milky skin before him and reached for the sticky fondue with his spare.

Harry was returning to his dorm around two. His head was filled with the residue of the past hours. His wand ached with use. Harry marvelled at what Snape had said about knowing what he needed. That was the understatement of the century I didn't even know someone could do that with their tongue... the slight shame and dirtiness? he felt couldn't even dampen his mood.

The following two weeks could best be described as emotionally draining. During the day he was a loner. Ron and Hermione tried a few times to get close to him again but had given up periodically. He supposed the two of them had better things to do than worry about him. But the most strain came from the evenings. Snape like to do this thing. He knew that Harry liked what he did but was still uncomfortable with who he was and how he looked. That's why Snape started to do the magic. He would make himself look like a girl. But not just any girl, it was Hermione.

He could hardly look Hermione in the eye as it was, but this made it impossible. It was wrong on so many levels. And he has to say those revolting things! Snape had also taken to a few little catch phrases to say when he was 'in character' as he liked to call it. It was bad enough that he sounded like Hermione when he said them but they were wrong, nasty, off, disgusting, any of the above things a person shouldn't say.

Like Snape/ Hermione Snapione? liked to call Harry his Snuggle bunny and when they were together him/her it? would suddenly scream; 'push those poo peanuts' or even 'burgle my turds.' Then there was _where_ they were together. Snape had this special room. Unlike the areas Harry had been in before you could see this room's resemblance to a dungeon. It had cold brick walls that were adorned with the expected manacles etcetera and also some not so expected woven hanging. A large torture rack that had almost completely been converted into a bed lay in the centre of the chamber. The bed was fit with luxurious black satin sheets. This is wear most of their smut had taken place since their first evening together two weeks ago.

Harry was lost in these thoughts for the humpteenth time when he was suddenly interrupted.

"Excuse me?"

"Hello?" Harry said looking at the strange girl who had addressed him. Without even taking into account her accent, Harry knew that she wasn't from around here. She was easily as tall as he, but rather than his pale complexion and dark hair she had deeply tanned skin and long corn silk hair. Their green eyes met as she spoke again.

"Hi, I'm Melissa and I was wondering if you could help me out."

"Hello Melissa, how can I help you?" Harry replied.

"Well, I'm the new exchange student from America and I seem to have lost my class."

"I'm sure I can help you out. Do you have ant idea were you are meant to be?"

"Yeah, I'm meant to be at The History of magic."

"Well that one is easy, it's my next class."

"That's good then, I guess I'll just follow you?" Melissa said smiling openly at Harry.

"Certainly" Harry replied returning the smile.

"Um, could I ask you something first?"

"I suppose."

"You never told me your name."

"Oh" Harry said blushing slightly, "I'm Harry Potter."

Harry showed Melissa the way to class. As they walked she told him about her back in 'the good ole US of A', as she called it. It turned out that she had only arrived that day and she had been placed in Gryffindor for the duration of her stay. They talked all lesson, Melissa smiling and Harry reddening. Later on the two ate lunch together. Harry liked the way Mel's, that's what she liked to be called, eyes sparked when she laughed.

Harry was still thinking about Melissa and her sparkling green eyes when he was going to the dungeons once again. This was when he realised that he was falling for Melissa.

"Is everything alright snuggle bunny?" 'It' asked after they had finished doing what they do.

"Sure, I just have a headache" Harry replied internally shuddering at what would happen if Snape found out about his feelings for Melissa.

"You very tense, maybe you would like a massage?" 'Snapione' asked in a voice that was supposed to be alluring but was instead creepy.

"No thanks, I think I should just get back to bed and have as much rest as possible." Harry answered and started to get dressed.

It turned out Mel was in quite a few of Harry's classes. She was unbelievably bright and had often had the answers to the hardest questions that silenced the rest of the class. Apparently that was why she got to visit, through winning some essay contest.

In Snape's class, since they had started their whatever it was… Snape would always treat Harry the same, as not to draw suspicion. Today though, Harry had noticed that Snape kept shooting him uncomforting glances. Nobody else seemed to notice though and Harry assumed that it was his guilty mind playing tricks on him.

"Harry?" Melissa whispered from the seat beside him.

"Huh?"

"Do you have any idea why Professor Snape keeps looking at you? It is sought of freaking me out."

Harry cleared his throat "He's looking at me?" Harry returned, trying to sound convincingly unaware. "He's could be looking at you because you're a new face."

"You're probably right; I'll introduce myself before we leave for lunch." Said Mel sounding only half persuaded.

After the class was dismissed Harry and Mel went to talk to the Professor.

"Hello Professor," Mel said cheerily cheery worked on her, Harry thought… "Since I'm hadn't spoken to you yet, my new friend Harry suggested I should introduce myself to you."

Snape looked at Harry quickly before speaking.

"Pleased to meet you Miss Jones, isn't it?"

"Yes"

"Well thankyou for going out of your way to speaking to me" Snape eyed Harry again briefly. "But I really must get some work completed."

"Okay, thankyou for your time professor."

"Goodbye" Harry mumbled as they left.

When the pair walked out of the class Snape abruptly began to rummage through the cluttered desk draw until he found what he needed. A small book entitled; 'Hogwarts official banned spells.'

Harry and Melissa were wondering through the quiet and immense grounds of Hogwarts, on the pretence of Harry giving her a tour. As they walked Harry wished things weren't so complicated. Harry mused; if it wasn't for the business with Snape… no that sounds too much like I'm blaming Snape. But I'm as much to blame and it wasn't as if I hadn't enjoyed it on a physical level…

"Harry, why won't you tell me what it is that's bothering you?"

Sure I could just say, I like you Melissa but I'm kind of involved in a homosexual relationship with Professor Snape. Certainly you wouldn't freak out or want to vomit or … "What do you mean? I'm fine." He replied instead.

"Yeah and I was born and bred in London," she snorted. "I'm sure it's nothing so bad you can't tell me."

"Well I'm sure it is that bad." Harry said, looking miserably at his shoes.

"What if I promise to keep it a secret and to not judge you?" She lifted his face so she could see his eyes.

"But I _never _want to tell anyone."

"What if I don't tell anyone, never judge you and do this." She lent forward and kissed him on the lips.

Harry looked at her; his lips and chin glistened with saliva.

"That's the very reason I can't tell you." He said. Harry then quickly turned and a walked in the direction of the Hogwarts.

Harry knew what he needed to do. It was obvious. But often the best way to fix a situation is also the hardest. He had to end it with Snape.

"Good Evening Harry," Snape said caressingly.

"Hello Severus, we need to talk."

"Oh."

"I don't think we should see one another any longer. It's me, don't think it's you, I just can't commit to any relationship yet."

"I knew it," Snape muttered angrily before shouting; "It's _her _isn't it!"

"What?" Harry said pretending to be clueless.

"Don't you dare pretend you don't know who I'm talking about! It's Melissa, you're leaving me for that little American tart, and after all I've done for you" Snape yelled.

"Okay, I'm sorry I wasn't honest, but I don't want to hurt you," Harry said soothingly.

Snape starred knives at Harry for what seemed a life time before sitting down. When he did his faced changed until he almost looked smug.

"Harry, my dear boy, there is much more going on here than you know." Snape said knowingly.

"What are you talking about?" Harry said, becoming alarmed, "You Haven't hurt her have you Severus?"

"Must everything revolve around that tramp? This has nothing to do with her and everything to do with the two of us, Harry."

"What is it then?"

"It seems _I _thought _we_, as a couple, were ready to move on to the next level."

"Which level?" Harry's alarm was increasing.

"I cast a spell from the 'banned book'. A spell so I could have _your child_."

"You did what?!" Harry shrieked.

"I'm carrying your child Harry."

Harry was confused, appalled and disgusted. How could he have done this? How could he have truly thought it would be what I would want? What will the thing look like? Ugh! Harry looked at Snape who was feigning concern, the world began to swim and he fainted dead away.

Harry soon awoke with Snape waving his wang before his eyes and chanting. His head hurt. It'll be a freak of nature… By the time the room came back into full focus Harry had remembered what was going on Oh, the humanity! He got and looked at Snape standing in front of him, wang in hand, pleasure on his face. Harry ran. He ran until he could no-longer hear Snape's cries of; 'But what about the baby' and 'I never figured you for a dead-beat-dad.' He ran and ran until he some how ended up at Melissa's dorm. He needed her.

"Harry? What's the matter?" She said when she saw his pale face.

"Help me Mel, please help me," he said and started to cry.

Harry and Mel were sitting in her room and Harry had been quietly telling her what was wrong for the last hour or so. He had alternatively cried, reddened and hung his head throughout the duration of his story while Melissa sat silently and attentively listening to the sordid tale. When he was finished she spoke;

"You poor, poor soul, I understand now why you found this so hard to tell me. But it's alright and it doesn't change how I feel about you."

"How can you not hate me or even be repulsed by me?" Harry said.

Mel's rose-bud lips parted in a smile. "I could never hate you Harry, never ever."

"I don't understand how you can feel that way when I sometimes think I even hate myself." Harry said

"Easy," she replied cheerily cheery really did work on her… "I love you." She ran her hands over his astonished features and… (A/N: well I guess you can guess what happened that evening.)

Four months later… Snape was tidying the secluded cave in the Himalayas that was his new home. His pregnancy was just starting to show beneath his heavy clothing. He had a plan, a plan for revenge and one day soon when the baby was old enough, he would carry out the plan. The child would be all powerful; with Harry's genes and his own instruction from birth it would be unstoppable. He sat down in his comfortable chair, times were good, He _hardly ever _worried about the fact he was a man and as such not designed for giving birth any more and soon, oh so soon, he would have his revenge on Harry Potter. Giggling at his wonderful plan, Snape continued knitting baby booties for little Sevvy junior.

_This is a fan fiction and all rights belong to the original author of these characters; JKRowling._


End file.
